In concern for your safety while driving on the "mean" streets of Chicago, beware of the following obstacles:
LAMP POSTS
You will note that the city of Chicago has many lamp posts.
These are there for the purpose of lighting up our dark
streets. However, they serve another unintentional purpose.
They impede the flow of traffic. One will note, after awhile,
the many cars wrapped around these lamp posts. These cars have
ended up there while passing those uneducated drivers who
still obey those "ancient" signs which read, "30 MILES PER
"HOUR".

TREES:
Our Mayor loves trees. As a nature lover, he has seen to it
that Chicago is a GARDEN OF EDEN. Trees everywhere. His
intentions were most honorable. However, like the above
lamp posts, they also impede the flow of traffic on the "mean"
streets of Chicago. Instead a forest of green, we have a junk
yard of smashed cars in place of a forest of trees.

Some additional advice for those who, out of ignorance, plan to visit Chicago, please take heed.
On many of our "mean" streets we have signs colored red. Within these signs is posted the word, "STOP". If you value your life, don't believe it.
These signs are merely "decorations". Actually they were put there for the benefit of those in Chicago who own dogs. They take their dogs there to do their "duty".
Should you forget yourself and actually stop where one of these signs are posted, you would be in great danger of causing a collision. You would be the unfortunate victim of a rear end accident (your fault of course).

Out of concern for the safety of anyone who dares to drive on the "mean" streets of Chicago. Observe this very important unofficial driving rule:
"No matter how fast you drive, it is NOT fast enough"

If in Chicago, you will see posted signs indicating the speed limits. Depending whether you are on a residential street with a, "30 MILES PER HOUR" sign, or on the Expressway with a, 55 MILES PER HOUR" sign. Don't believe it.
If you value your life, you have to go faster, or face the sunset of your life.
Should you dare go 50 miles per hour in a 30 mile per hour zone, sorry, not fast enough. Someone will pass you up.
Same on our Expressways. If by chance you venture to go 80 miles per hour in a 55 miles per hour zone,sorry, not fast enough. Someone will pass you up.
If you cannot abide by the "No matter how fast you drive, it is NOT fast enough", rule...please stay out of Chicago for your own good.

A terrible day. Try as I may, I am unable to post a message on driving the "mean" streets of Chicago. Maybe it has something to do with being STUPID. Who knows?
It is a fact that dogs run away from me. Why am I cursed when using the computer?
Will I ever find happiness? Time will tell. Perhaps it is best to put all this behind me. The sun will rise another day. With my luck we will have an eclipse of the sun, bringing more darkness.